The Other Side of Awesome

Watchmen Trailer

2008-07-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

Nintendo - Better Call Your Lawyers

2008-07-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

Microsoft had their E3 press conference today and all I can say is "Meh." Their new interface looks cold & sparse, and those avatars look like hipster douchebag copies of Nintendo's "Miis." Unless I can create some big ole' orca of corpulance who shakes the screen with every gargantuan step of his doughy legs, I'd just like to keep my Gamer picture and leave it at that.

I can see what Microsoft is trying to get at. Nintendo has proven there's a huge demand for social and easy-to-play yet fun games, instead of the increasingly complex shoot 'em ups that require arcane manipulation of the eight million buttons and controlsticks on Microsoft's and Sony's consoles. The problem is that Microsoft caters to the hardcore market while Nintendo consciously threw their entire effort into the casual gaming market, so the cutesy little Miis and control panel fit with the overall marketing focus of the company. Microsoft, however, is trying to meld that cutesy little gaming experience with its established hardcore gaming audience and I don't think they'll really invest themselves in it.

Had Microsoft released its new control panel with a new game system and as part of an comprehensive and focused vision, then it might not be viewed as that bad of a thing. As it is, it's a bad fit and clearly a Nintendo rip-off.

However, I do like the Netflix integration. If anything else, I think that'll be the biggest and most popular addition to the console.

One Year Later

2008-07-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

This month marks my one year anniversary of leaving the Air Force. You'd think that something that so dominated half my life would leave a lasting impression, but I'm surprised at how little I think or care about it. This time last year, I thought I would maybe have some regrets, second thoughts, or some yearning nostalgia. One year later, I find I hardly think about it.

When I went through the transition assistance program, they told us we would go through a "mourning period" shortly after getting out. I never felt any such thing. If nothing else, I would describe my emotional state upon separating as "jubilant."

Now that I think of it, my leaving the Air Force after 16 years feels more like a divorce from a psychotic, domineering, manipulative she-devil. I spent the best years of my life being belittled, mocked, manipulated and treated like dirt by someone from whom I constantly sought validation. I was basically in a relationship with someone who said, "Hey, I've given you a roof over your head and food in your belly. I've given you everything and you still don't appreciate me? You'd be nothing without me. Yeah, go on ahead and leave me. You'll be flipping burgers in a month."

I spent the better part of my adult life thinking I had mental issues, as I increasingly grew more angry, anxious, and short-tempered. During the last few years, I could hardly sleep through the night and I worried about everything. The worst part is I knew this wasn't me. I was laid-back, easy going and could find the humor in just about anything. I kept asking myself, "Why am I like this? Why can't I be like myself again?"

Well, I discovered that since I've divorced myself from that situation, my mood seems to have improved considerably and I can easily fall asleep and actually stay sleep through the night. When I wake up, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. The anxiety is gone. I'm not back to 100%, but I'm working on it. I don't know if I can ever get back to being the way I was, but I'd like to think I'm a better husband and father than I used to be. When I look in the mirror now, I see myself instead the defeated and sullen stranger who greeted me day after day for all those years. I feel like a Man.

Yes, the Air Force gave me a lot, but it took a lot away as well. I do appreciate what I got out of it, but I don't have any sense of profound gratitude because of it. It got what it wanted out of me, and I finally wised up and used it to get what I needed so I could get the hell away from it.

But I have to weigh that against the fact that I made a lot of friends and met a lot of incredible people while I was in the Air Force, some of whom had a profound impact on my life. I do miss them. In fact, when I do think about the AF, it's mostly to remember the folks I knew and wonder what they're doing now. Even then, it's not like I'm thinking about the AF but just the good times I had with fun and interesting people. I valued the time I spent with them and think about them often. I wish I would've appreciated those times more while I was in them, knowing how fleeting they were, but I'm grateful that I at least got to know them and share a part of their lives before they or I moved on. In fact, if I do have one regret, it's that I wish I would've taken more pictures of them and the things we did.

So, taking stock of where I'm at now, I have to say that deciding to get out was one of the best things I could've done. Before, Life was just something to get through. Now, I'm excited about the possibilities of what I can do. I appreciate Life more than I ever have. I look forward to each new day. I'm in charge of my life and my destiny. Sure, bad times will come, as they always do, but I'm not scared anymore. I'm smart, talented, and incredibly lucky. Most importantly, I have a family who loves me and believes in me, and who stuck by my side through good times and bad, even when I was the world's biggest asshole to them. No matter what happens, we'll make it through and land on our feet.

I'm confident, I'm happy, and I'm content. I'm finally the man I always wanted to be.

Comic Con Schedule - Thursday

2008-07-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Comic Con for the first time this year. We got 4-Day passes soon after they become available and have been awaiting the programming schedule ever since.

Comic Con is pretty cool, since it's a lot more than just comics. It's a convergence of geek culture that really has no equal. Sure, you have sci-fi cons and show/movie specific cons, but there's no con that combines comics, sci-fi, fantasy, TV, movies, and just about every other pop culture area under the sun. Lately, it's been the place where new shows and movies are previewed for the first time, so you cna see next year's hits today.

They finally released the schedule for Wednesday's Preview Night as well as Thursday's line-up. I don't even know where to begin. Considering there's be around 120,000 people attending, it's guaranteed that we won't be able to see all the panels we want to see, but I have a shortlist of panels I would really, really, like to get into:

11:15-12:15 30th Anniversary Battlestar Galactica Panel—Richard Hatch (Tom Zarek/Apollo), Bear McCreary (BG composer), producer Tom DeSanto (Transformers, X-Men), Dr. Kevin Grazier (science consultant), and surprise guests present an in-depth discussion of the Battlestar universe from the classic to the re-imagined and beyond, including BSG trailers and Q&A. Room 6B
12:00-1:00 Doctor Who—Writer Russell T Davies (Doctor Who), executive producer Julie Gardner (Torchwood), and writer Steven Moffat (Doctor Who) discuss their creative process and experience working on the BBC’s Doctor Who—Britain’s most successful sci-fi franchise—with exclusive clips and a Q&A session. Ballroom 20
1:00-2:00 Torchwood—Writer Russell T Davies (Doctor Who), executive producer Julie Gardner (Torchwood), writer Steven Moffat (Doctor Who), and actors John Barrowman, Gareth David-Lloyd, Naoko Mori and Burn Gorman discuss their creative process and experience on working on BBC America’s highest-rated show ever—Torchwood— followed by a Q&A session. Ballroom 20
2:15-3:15 Halo Wars and the Halo Universe—Prima Games, Tor Books, McFarlane Toys, and Microsoft Games Studio bring you an in-depth panel discussion on all things Halo. Panelists include Eric Nylund, author of Halo: The Fall of Reach and Halo: First Strike Onyx; Tobias Buckell, author of the upcoming novel Halo: The Cole Protocol; game universe writers Graeme Devine (Halo Wars) and Frank O’Connor (Halo Trilogy); and Jon Goff and Corrinne Robinson, McFarlane Toys’ brand management team for HaloRoom 6A
6:00-7:00 Life, Death, Life of Star Trek—You've heard a lot of hype about sci-fi's first franchise lately, now it's time to see what it's all about and celebrate an illustrious 40 years of boldly going with this regular panel of unpaid, uncensored Treksperts, who pay homage to Trek's past and future with some special surprises and exclusive audio-visual treats you'll only see here. Daren Dochterman (ST: TMP Director's Cut Special Edition), Robert Meyer Burnett (Free Enterprise), Jeff Bond (The Music of Star Trek), and moderator Mark A. Altman (Free Enterprise) talk Trek like no one else can...or will. Room 2
8:30-10:00 Star Wars Fan Film Awards—It’s the 7th Annual Star Wars Fan Movie Challenge Awards! Brought to you by Lucasfilm, and hosted by San Diego Comic-Con International, the Star Wars Fan Movie Challenge honors the best promising Star WarsStar Wars writer/director George Lucas himself. Come see this year’s winning movies. Ballroom 20

You'll notice the timing conflict Battlestar Galactica and the Doctor Who panels. Choices, choices. Of course, there's a few other panels I'd like to see:

10:00-11:00 Kings: Exclusive Sneak Peek Screening and Q&A with Cast and Executive Producers—Kings is a contemporary re-imagining of the timeless tale of David and Goliath, an epic story of greed and power, war and romance, forbidden loves and secret alliances, and a young hero who rises to power in a modern-day kingdom. Be the first to see an exclusive sneak peek from the two-hour pilot. Moderated by Greg Grunberg (Heroes), the panel includes a Q&A with creator/executive producer Michael Green (Heroes), director/executive producer Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend), executive producer Erwin Stoff (I Am Legend), and the cast: Golden Globe winner Ian McShane (Deadwood), Chris Egan (Resident Evil: Extinction), Susanna Thompson (Star Trek: Voyager), Sebastian Stan (Gossip Girl), and Allison Miller (Seventeen Again). Room 6B
10:45-11:45 Reinventing the Page: Stan Lee and Grant Morrison Talk Virgin Comics—Two of the most important creators in the history of comic books team up to discuss the bold new frontiers being explored in the art of storytelling. Legendary creator Stan Lee (Spider-Man, Hulk, Iron Man, X-Men) shares his insights on the world of comics and presents never-before-revealed hints of his new superhero universe with Virgin Comics. Joining Stan is prolific creator Grant Morrison (New X-Men, All Star Superman, Final Crisis), contemporary comics’ most active mind, who will discuss his new Virgin Comics animated online series MBX while offering his own insights on comics and engaging with Stan in a once-in-a-lifetime conversation about the long history and boundless future of their beloved medium. Ballroom 20
11:00-12:00 Professional Writing: Threat or Menace?—Let's talk writing, creativity, and selling (and selling out), and what the world of professional writing is like. Questions that you've always wanted to ask? Creative blocks bugging you? Wondered what the H*O*L*L*Y*W*O*O*D life is really like? Show up and get answers to those questions. This no-holds-barred talk is moderated by J. Michael Straczynski. Room 5AB
11:30-12:30 SPORE: One-on-One with Will Wright—Will Wright is best known for creating the SimCity and The Sims video game franchises, the latter of which has sold more than 100 million games to date. In 2007, he was given the Vanguard Award from the Producer’s Guild of America, making him the first person in the videogame industry to receive such an honor. Wright’s next video game, SPORE, is scheduled for release on September 7. Join Will Wright for his first-ever appearance at Comic-Con! Room 6CDEF
12:30-1:30 William Katt: Greatest American Hero Comic—Join Alex, Justin, and Pete from Pulp Secret for one of the biggest announcements at this year’s Comic-Con, an event that’s been 25 years in the making. Catastrophic Comics’ William Katt (Greatest American Hero), Christopher Folino (Gamers), and Derek McCaw (Fanboy Planet) along with Arcana Studios’ Sean O'Reilly (The Clockwork Girl) are on hand for an interview and Q&A. Room 7AB
1:45-2:45 Marvel: X-Men—The X-Men have a new home and a new direction in Manifest Destiny. This star-studded, must-attend panel features the writers of the X-Verse, including Ed Brubaker (Uncanny X-Men), Matt Fraction (Uncanny X-Men), Chris Yost (X-Force), Craig Kyle (X-Force), Daniel Way (Deadpool), Marjorie Liu (NYX), and Duane Swierczynski (Cable), plus Axel Alonso (X-Men group editor) and Nick Lowe (X-MenRoom 6B
3:30-4:30 Entertainment Weekly’s The Visionaries: Comic Creators—Jim LeeAll-Star Batman & Robin), John Cassaday (The Astonishing X-Men), Matt FractionCasanova), Mike Mignola (Hellboy), Robert Kirkman (The Walking Dead), Colleen Doran (A Distant Soil), and Grant Morrison (Final Crisis) are the writers and artists blazing a path into the future of comics. Coming from both the mainstream and the independent worlds, these men and women can provide unique insights into the comics landscape. Moderated by Entertainment Weekly staff editor Nisha Gopalan. Room 6A
3:30-5:00 Golden and Silver Age of Comics—It’s the amazing annual gathering of the resident greats from the Golden and Silver Ages of comics! Moderated by Mark Evanier, this year’s list of luminaries includes Al Feldstein (EC editor/writer/artist), Victor Gorelick Al Jaffee (MAD magazine cartoonist), comics writer/artist Larry Lieber, Harvey Comics writer/editor Sid Jacobson, and artists Russ Heath (G.I. Combat, Sgt. Rock) and Jerry Robinson (Batman). Filled with personal reminiscences and anecdotes, this panel promises to be a treasure trove of comics history! Room 8

And that is really just a smattering of the programming scheduled just for Thursday. There's still Friday, Saturday, and Sunday left to go. Friday and Saturday are when the Big Boys are up to bat with new movies, TV shows and other projects that'll be coming out over the next year.

I can't tell you how psyched we are to be attending this year's Comic Con. Plus, we'll be in Sand Diego, so we'll probably check out Sea World, the San Diego Zoo and maybe tour the USS Midway while we're there. We haven't taken a vacation in a very long time and I plan to make the most of it.

Fun With Comics - Captain America

2008-07-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned previously, I've bought a subscription to Marvel digital comics. While perusing the back catalog, I noticed they re-launched Captain America back in 1996, so I took a look at it and discovered some of the most atrocious art I've ever seen in an A-list comic book. Seriously, if Michael Bay did a comic book, this is what it would look like. It's that bad.

For example, let's play Spot Captain America:

Is it all of them? Some of them? None of them? It's kind of hard to tell, seeing as how they all look the same. Hell, for all I know, this could be a slide-show from This is Your Life, depicting some dumbass kid who joined the army, got out, then got old and developed some sort of adrenal disorder and male pattern baldness. Or they could be four completely different characters who are of no relation to each other and just look the same because the artist sucked.

You'd think an artist who can only draw one face, no matter who it belongs to, would at least be consistent but the guy couldn't even draw the same person twice between issues. Take a look at Cap's wife in Issue 1:

Here she is in Issue 2:

I know you're thinking, "Paul, maybe this is a few weeks later and she changed her hairstyle and got some of those contact lenses that change your eye color."

Oh, no. The two issues take place on the same exact day. You see, Steve Rogers woke up that morning in an ideal world with a hot wife and a kid who was excited to go to school. But, as sometimes happens, he started shooting his mouth off at work about these dreams he was having and his co-worker, who turned out to be an agent for a nefarious organization, ratted him out. Oblivious to this turn of events, Steve Rogers left work and bumped into some old dude who wanted to show him what he'd been hiding in the basement.

Steve Rogers, who was apparently kidnapped repeatedly as a child, followed the old man into the basement. Instead of having a million horrific things done to him, he's instead presented with Captain America's shield. Suddenly, the entire building blows-up, leaving Steve Rogers standing stoically amongst the rubble, unharmed. He then kills, like, 50 people for the hell of it and runs home to find Wife #2 dutifully washing the dishes.

Apparently still in shock, he doesn't notice his wife has been replaced with either her slightly less attractive sister or a cheap knock-off of Mary Jane Watson from Spider-Man. He's then greeted by Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD, and told that his wife and son are robots. Needless to say, Steve Rogers is having a Bad Day.

Since his family didn't really look the same as they did in Issue 1, I thought Nick Fury had really just kidnapped Rogers' real wife and son and replaced them with the robots before Steve got home. I kept waiting for the revelation for a couple of issues before I figured out that Fury was telling the truth and they'd been robots the entire time. It's interesting to note that Cap, who's supposed to represent the ideal in physical and mental perfection, couldn't even tell his wife and kid were robots. Real attentive there, Mr. America.

Anyway, not only are all of the male characters drawn the same, their bodies appear to be the end result of some freakish experiment with human anatomy, as seen in the next picture:

What the hell are those things? What's the anatomical name for those structures? How many damned tendons does Captain America possess? I understand the super soldier serum gave Steve Rogers the ideal physical body, but I didn't know it actually grew tendons connecting the collar bone to the neck as well as to each other!

I could understand if this was some sort of mutation, but I think even Professor X would hesitate a bit if presented with this...

The Scene: Professor Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Children

A big, bulging man enters Charles Xavier's library. The professor turns in his wheelchair and greets the young man.

Xavier: Ah, Steve Rogers. I've been expecting you.

Rogers: Professor, you don't know how long I've waited to come here. To deal with the looks, the suspicion, or the fear a Sentinel would swoop down and kill me at any moment. It was too much to bear!

Xavier: Relax, Steven. You're amongst friends, now. You have nothing to fear here. Now tell me, what is your gift?

Rogers: I grow superfluous connective tissue.

Xavier: Ah, I see...

Scene: Outdoors in a non-descript alley. A large, bulging man wakes up with no memory of who he is or what he's doing here.

Xavier (telepathically): Magneto -

Magneto: Don't even think about it, Charles.

Fortunately, it looks like the heads of Marvel did a collective "WTF?" and changed artists with Issue 6, presenting a far more realistic and recognizable Captain America, who surprisingly resembles no one else in the comic. Oh, and it turns out Nick Fury is the Lizard King. Go figure.

Dangerous Thoughts

2008-07-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

I grew up in Virginia. You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting something historic. You also couldn't get away from the constant message that Virginia was the Mother of Presidents, The Fount of Liberty, and yes, The Bastion of the Confederacy. In those days, you didn't escape your public education without having to memorize at least one speech from a famous Virginian. Luckily, we had dozens of famous Virginians to choose from.

In the 7th Grade, I chose Patrick Henry's "Liberty or Death!" speech. I don't just mean the final paragraph -- I had to memorize the entire speech and then present it as if I meant it. And I did mean it. When you're 12, you really believe that people want to be free. You believe these words and these actions are as American as apple pie -- that we're somehow born with an innate repulsion to tyranny and will jealously cling to our freedoms until our deaths.

Unfortunately, you grow up and realize that people really don't want to be free and that these words you've memorized are dangerous, especially in modern America. You learn that you live in a diminished age with diminished people, where words advocating deliberate action in service to an idea are silly and impractical.

It's dangerous to learn about Revolutionary America, because it introduces you to people and ideas that just don't exist anymore, and probably never will again. It sets your expectations high, only to have them dashed upon contact with reality. Though we live in exceptional times, we are bereft of exceptional people. Sure, our leaders will pay lip service to liberty, while at the same time undermining it. Sure, we'll pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves on how free we are, while we allow the government to spy on us, break into our homes, detain us without charge, treat us like criminals, beat us, torture us, and lead us into useless wars to serve the vanity of the Commander-in-Chief and enrich his cronies. All because we don't want to be free, we want to be safe. Because we want to live in a Daddy State, where Daddy will keep all those mean monsters away from us, the scared little children.

See if you can think of a politician alive today in our Daddy State who could say the following, impromptu, and mean it and act on it:

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope that it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen, if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve.

This is no time for ceremony. The question before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty towards the majesty of heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation?

For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth -- to know the worst and to provide for it. I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years, to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House?

Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with these warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation -- the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motives for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies?

No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us; they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer on the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves longer.

Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament.

Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne. In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free -- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending -- if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained, we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of Hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak -- unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance, by lying supinely on our backs, and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

Sir, we are not weak, if we make a proper use of the means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us.

The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable -- and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come!

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, "Peace! Peace!" -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!

Any prominent American who spoke those words today, even in modern vernacular in response to modern circumstances, would be instantly derided by the idiot cable pundits and their moronic guests who'd swoop in from Hell's darkest corner to "analyze" the speech and debate how well it played amongst the current day's "crucial" demographic. Pearls before swine, indeed.

A Plea to Online News Outlets

2008-07-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

To all online newspapers: please stop allowing comments on stories. They cheapen well-written stories and exist only to highlight how ignorant, paranoid, and just plain stupid your readership appears to be.

I don't know how many times I've finished reading a good article, only to scroll down just a bit too far and read some of the most asinine crap this side of YouTube. It's discouraging, but what's more, it's obnoxious.

Newspapers are supposed to be the bastions of good grammar and taste. You've already abrogated your responsibility to inform the public and serve as a skeptical check on the government's pronouncements and activities. The last thing you have is the appearance of seriousness and sobriety as you report on Lindsey Lohan's latest night out or this week's Missing White Woman or Shark Attack. Why cheapen an already weak product with crap that even an AOL'er would find stupid?

It's not even limited to American news outlets. The BBC does a pretty good job at keeping their idiot readers out of immediate sight, but if you click on the "Have Your Say" link, you'll see that imbecility is a universal trait.

If comments are a must, at least have an editor pick out a few noteworthy ones that make a genuine effort at coherent, rational thought. Clean-up the grammar and then post those few for the world to see. Hopefully, it will raise the bar and encourage thoughtful dialogue. At the least, it'll eliminate the diahrretic output of constipated minds.

There's Something About May

2008-07-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

There's always been something about Spider-Man's Aunt May that seemed a little off to me. I could never put my finger on it until I was digging around Marvel's digital archive and started reading Web of Spider-Man #1 (the first comic book series I regularly bought and read in the 7th Grade). That's when I saw it:

Aunt May is Henry Fonda.

Happy Independence Day

2008-07-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

Stars & Stripes FOREVER!

Not Interested in Uninteresting Interests

2008-07-01T21:20:00.001-07:00

It occurred to me, as I scanned MySpace and Facebook, that their little "Interests" sections are fairly archaic, especially when it comes to TV. These services are targeted at the coveted 18-34 demographic. A healthy chunk of that demo have no memory of life before the internet, and from talking with these people, I get the feeling they don't watch that much TV. So why the heck would TV be on the short list of interests?

Really, who below the age of 35 really watches that much TV anymore? Sure, there's a handful of shows that I think most people watch, but that's about it. When I was younger, I'd get home from school, watch some afternoon cartoons, do homework, knock out chores, eat dinner, then gather around the tube with everyone else to watch TV from 8-10 PM. I don't think that's the norm anymore.

A growing number of younger folks probably don't watch much TV at all, since they can get their moving pictures fix on YouTube or Hulu. As more and more people adopt this behavior, most televised entertainment will probably "air" concurrently on the internet, where almost all of the viewership will be located. At that point, is it even TV anymore?

Anyway, this is really just a long way of asking the obvious question: how come they don't ask you to list your favorite web sites? It kind of makes sense, don't you think? It's a lot more relevant than asking you what you're favorite TV shows are.

WALL-E

2008-06-29T18:22:00.001-07:00

When it comes to Pixar films, there's the --

Kind I like: Toy Story 1 & 2, Monsters, Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles

and the

Kind I don't like as much: Cars, Ratatouille, A Bug's Life

WALL-E is definitely one of the ones that I like. In fact, if you don't like this film, then you hate life.

Marvel Digital Comics

2008-06-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

I've been having a lot of fun lately with Marvel Digital Comics, which features an impressive back catalog of comic titles going back to the '60s. I've had a good time catching up on some old favorites (Spider-Man, Thor, Captain America), as well as some undiscovered greatness, like the Great Lakes Avengers and Agents of Atlas. The Great Lakes Avengers is especially sweet, mostly because I lived there for a short while and most of my family is from Wisconsin, so the jokes are just a bit more funny for me.

The one comic I've been most impressed with is The Ultimates, an updated reboot of The Avengers. After reading The Ultimates, I now understand why Sam Jackson played Nick Fury at the end of Iron Man. I was also reminded why Captain America was the coolest cat in the whole wide world. Beaten, bloodied and seemingly near death, Cap is asked by the villain if he's ready to surrender. Cap responds, "Surrender? Surrender?"

Click the pic to embiggen Cap's immortal response. Cool YTMND of whole scene here. For those that watched the YTMND clip: And then the Hulk ate the guy. I mean, like, really ate the guy. Intestines, ribs -- everything. Then he turns back into Bruce Banner and over the next few days craps out the remains of the dude, which have to be collected and incinerated because the guy was a shape-shifter and any little bit might be dangerous.
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A Norse is a Norse of course, of course. And no one can talk to a Norse, of course - that is, of course, unless the Norse is the famous Mr. Thor. Oh yeah, they got Thor -- a Norse hippie advocating peace, fair trade, and feeding the poor. He's kind of like Bono except he's got a giant frelling hammer and can transport himself to Asgard. It's funny, because the Ultimate version of Thor is more in the tradition of how Thor was viewed by the Norse. You know, friend of humanity -- the common man, really -- and just an all around cool guy. I guess he was the most relatable of all the Norse gods and the one you could depend on in a fight.

And he also had a ginormous hammer and a magic belt, so what's not to like?

To All the People Criticizing Wall-E

2008-06-27T16:50:00.001-07:00

Because it hits a little too close to home, I have only this to say to you:

Steve Jobs Commencement Speech

2008-06-25T17:05:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine at work and I were talking about Steve Jobs and how he went from someone not too much unlike us to become one of the most powerful men in entertainment and computers. He forwarded this 2005 Commencement Speech Jobs gave to Stanford and I really liked this part, because it completely sums up my view on things:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I wasted too many valuable years of my life before I realized this, but I'm making up for lost time.

Echo Jet - Wave

2008-06-24T17:24:00.001-07:00

Pot? This is Kettle: Black

2008-06-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

In what may be one of the biggest examples of imbecility and moronic lack of self-awareness, anti-Christ James Dobson took issue with this statement by Barack Obama:

"Which passages of scripture should guide our public policy?" Obama asked in the speech. "Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery is OK and that eating shellfish is an abomination? Or we could go with Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child if he strays from the faith? Or should we just stick to the Sermon on the Mount?
"So before we get carried away, let's read our Bible now," Obama said, to cheers. "Folks haven't been reading their Bible."

The Colorado Turkey responded:

In the comments aired Tuesday, Dobson said Obama should not be referencing antiquated dietary codes and passages from the Old Testament that are no longer relevant to the teachings of the New Testament.
"I think he's deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own world view, his own confused theology," Dobson said, adding that Obama is "dragging biblical understanding through the gutter."

In the words of Jesus:

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.

Word.

On Energy: Advantage McCain

2008-06-23T16:57:00.001-07:00

Being from Illinois, it's no surprise that Obama is in the pocket of King Corn, which has pushed high-fructose corn syrup into just about every food-stuff, while promoting a food-to-fuel program that defies common sense and raises grocery prices. Oh yeah, and they get heavily subsidized at the same time. It's bad enough, but I didn't know that Obama was so closely linked to one of Congress' biggest sleazebags, Tom Daschle:

Nowadays, when Mr. Obama travels in farm country, he is sometimes accompanied by his friend Tom Daschle, the former Senate majority leader from South Dakota. Mr. Daschle now serves on the boards of three ethanol companies and works at a Washington law firm where, according to his online job description, “he spends a substantial amount of time providing strategic and policy advice to clients in renewable energy.”

As an aside, at least we know what happens when Congressmen are voted out of office: they become lobbyists. Still, maybe Obama is pandering for votes. Fair enough. So I went to his website and looked at his energy policy:

Deploy Cellulosic Ethanol: Obama will invest federal resources, including tax incentives, cash prizes and government contracts into developing the most promising technologies with the goal of getting the first two billion gallons of cellulosic ethanol into the system by 2013.

Expand Locally-Owned Biofuel Refineries: Less than 10 percent of new ethanol production today is from farmer-owned refineries. New ethanol refineries help jumpstart rural economies. Obama will create a number of incentives for local communities to invest in their biofuels refineries.

Renewable Fuels: Obama has worked on numerous efforts in the Senate to increase access to and use of renewable fuels. Obama passed legislation with Senator Jim Talent (R-MO) to give gas stations a tax credit for installing E85 ethanol refueling pumps. The tax credit covers 30 percent of the costs of switching one or more traditional petroleum pumps to E85, which is an 85 percent ethanol/15 percent gasoline blend. Obama also sponsored an amendment that became law providing $40 million for commercialization of a combined flexible fuel vehicle/hybrid car within five years.

Cellulosic ethanol is as poor an ethanol ingredient as corn. You get more bang for your buck from cane sugar, which is what the Brazilians use for their ethanol. Of course, King Corn would never allow cane sugar to horn-in on their territory and if Obama's in their pocket, then I'd expect food prices to go even higher as more corn is made to fill gas tanks than empty stomachs.

To be fair, Obama has several other worthwhile energy policies, but his close association with the Corn Lobby is distressing.

On the other hand, John McCain's initiatives aim at the heart of breaking King Corn's blackmail of America's food and energy policy, by eliminating the tariff on imported ethanol made from cane sugar, as well as removing their subsidies. If he can keep his word, then it might be the start of a promising relationship with Brazil, which would have an impact far beyond fuel and give us an important ally in South America. We might also be able to import and grow more cane sugar as a means of producing ethanol cheaply and efficiently.

Also, McCain's recent announcement of a $300 million prize for anyone who can develop and produce a better, long-lasting, and cheaper car battery is also a winner in my book, as his his tax break for people who buy alternative-energy cars:

"Whether it takes a meeting with automakers during my first month in office, or my signature on an act of Congress, we will meet the goal of a swift conversion of American vehicles away from oil," McCain said in prepared remarks.

That is a powerful message, and if he were to follow through on it, a major step forward for this country. On the con side, though, McCain's pandering to Big Oil and their attempt to grab more off-shore oil drilling leases doesn't play well with me. The oil companies already have 70 millions acres they could drill right now, but they choose not to because they can make more money by drilling them 5, 10, or 15 years from now. This is just a transparent land-grab attempt by Big Oil to exploit the current situation and McCain's support of it is disappointing.

On the other hand, McCain's proposal to build 45 nuclear reactors is a positive step towards a better energy policy and it's something I support.

When looking at both candidates' stance on energy, specifically oil-replacement, I'd have to give the edge to McCain. Obama does have some noteworthy goals, including closing the Enron loophole and building more clean coal plants, but his association with King Corn is a deal-breaker for me. Any lobby that purposefully undermines American health and the economy is an enemy of the American people and should not be tolerated. I applaud McCain's remarks regarding King Corn's subsidies, as well as his commitment to import cane-sugar ethanol from Brazil. Combined with a move to flex-fuel and electric vehicles, his stated goals are more in line with my philosophy and I hope he would follow-through on them should he be elected President.

Famous Old Guy Dies

2008-06-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess this means George Carlin won't be playing the Orleans in August.

By the way, Don Rickles is still alive. Amazing.

If I Were Dictator IV

2008-06-22T09:29:00.001-07:00

After tweaking the Legislative Branch, it's time to focus on the Executive Branch. The Executive would require a major overhaul, as it currently provides too much power to a single individual, resulting in a catastrophic loss of freedoms for American citizens. The President now has more power the King George III and has abused our freedoms in ways that would make the old King envious.

The Executive Branch of government is far more pervasive in people's lives than any other branch, mostly because of the several dozen agencies, departments, and bureaus who regulate and enforce most aspects of common life. Sitting atop the org chart is the President, who through these various agencies commands legislative power (through regulations), executive power (through regulatory enforcement) and judicial power (through fines and punishments issued for non-compliance). Of course, let's not forget that he can have you arrested, imprisoned without charge, and tortured at his whim. This is a branch of government that's just asking to be hacked down and replaced with something a bit more reasonable.

The new President would be selected from the 50 Senators of the new Senate. They would elect one of their own to be President for a period of three years. This would leave 49 Senators eligible to vote on various things, meaning there would be no danger of a tie. The President would not be allowed to vote on anything and since the veto power now rests with the Senate, he would have absolutely no legislative power whatsoever. He would not introduce legislation, nor would he provide a budget, nor any of the other ridiculous things he does now.

The President's only task would be to head the Executive Branch, which itself would be overhauled into something answerable to the Congress. As I mentioned in the last post, all departmental and agency heads would have to be approved by a super-majority of the Senate and could be summarily dismissed the same way. The President would still be able to recommend appointments, but all of them would be subject to approval by the Senate.

Also, the alphabet soup of Federal agencies we all know and love may exist in their current forms, but any regulations they devise would need to be drafted and voted on in the House of Representatives and then approved by the Senate. They would enforce compliance, but any fines or other punishments they wish to levy against a citizen would have to go through the courts. In fact, a special court system would be established just to handle these types of cases, but it would be independent of the Executive and allow the normal routes of appeal available to citizens for every other type of infraction.

But what kind of power would the Presidency retain? Well, the President would still be Commander-in-Chief, but since he can't start a war or any other aggressive action short of war without a super-majority approval of the Senate, he can't go off half-cocked on a fruitless adventure. He'd still head the military, but the new government is organized to reign him in and ensure that he is the servant of the people, not their ruler. The days of warrantless spying, imprisonment without charge, torture, and contempt for the American people and the Law would come to a swift and definitive conclusion. The Presidency will be emasculated, with Congress and the States pressing a boot to his throat.

The main question is how do we keep the President honest? After all, he is a Senator and would the Senate ever hold one of their own accountable? It's an interesting dynamic, because interpersonal politics and the general set-up itself seem to provide a situation where the President could run roughshod all over the new Constitution with the Senate's tacit approval. How do you enforce accountability and respect for Law? It all goes back to the States.

Remember that each State sends one Senator to serve for life in the Senate. The mechanism of selection is up to each State, with the proviso that the Senator cannot be popularly elected. So while the Senators would feel a natural camaraderie and a reluctance to reign in one of their own (because he will come back to serve with them, or they desire the precedents he set), they are ultimately answerable to the States that sent them. If a President is engaging in behavior abhorrent to the States, they have a couple of avenues open to them. First, they can instruct their Senators to recall the President and elect a new one, or the States can collectively decide to forcibly remove the President from office. The former would be the preferred way, while the latter would be the nuclear option.

If two-thirds of the States vote to remove the President, then not only is he removed from office, he is also stripped of Senatorial rank and sent in disgrace back to his State. He will be barred from Federal public service, in any capacity, for life. If he committed any crimes, then he would be tried and convicted by the House of Representatives. The punishments could range anywhere from death, to fines, to imprisonment. Or the former President could be exonerated of any wrongdoing, but he'd still be barred from public service, because he obviously did something to get everyone all riled up in the first place.

Still, that would be an extreme situation. I imagine the Presidency inhabiting more of a managerial role domestically, while serving as our Representative to foreign governments. We'll still need someone for whom we can tell other countries, "This person is working on our behalf and speaks for us." We'll also need someone who can handle the day-to-day business of managing the Executive branch of the government, and serve as a singular symbol of the American government. The need for a "Big Chief" runs deep in the human psyche, so we should still provide one, but without all the unlimited power.

Finally, it's important to remember that the President is merely a Senator elected to head the Executive Branch for a limited period of time, then return to his role as a Senator. He'll be forbidden from serving two consecutive terms, but he may serve again down the road, just like the 49 other people in the Senate. He may not even serve out his term. If the Senate votes to declare war, they will be given the option of voting for someone more suited to planning and leading the nation's war effort.

Obviously, the new Executive Branch is not without its flaws, but as we've seen with our current government, it's far too easy for one man to wield the power of a King, especially when the branch of government meant to prevent that from happening is compliant or too scared to do anything about it. Our current system simply does not work, so new ideas are needed to bring things back into balance.

Strike One

2008-06-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

If I want someone who acts and speaks like a Republican president, then I'll vote for the Republican candidate for President. Obama had a real chance to speak out about this FISA bill and use it as a springboard for his "politics of change" but he dropped the ball. No, check that - it's a swing and a miss.

The Incredible Hulk

2008-06-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

Finally, the Incredible Hulk movie that should've been made a few years ago instead of that slow, plodding, completely mediocre yawnfest that was Ang Lee's abomination. I could see what he was trying to do, and I applaud him for it, but the execution sucked.

I especially liked the numerous nods to the television show, as well as Captain America. Though they never mention him by name, we're given a preview of what he'll be like when his movie comes out. In fact, the super soldier program that created Cap is a very large part of the plot.

The Hulk CGI was leagues better than the previous movie, though you can obviously tell its CGI. I don't think you're ever going to get anything completely realistic when you're trying to render a giant green monster. Still, the modeling and movement were very well done and what I imagined the Hulk to be if he were real. When he tears-up a police car and uses the two halves as brass knuckles, you can tell the animators and director get the Hulk and what makes him interesting and exciting to watch.

There's not much more to say, except that it's a really cool movie and worth seeing at the theater.

It's Not Earth, It's New Jersey

2008-06-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

If I Were Dictator III...

2008-06-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

If I were dictator, extensive remodeling of the government would have to take place. For instance, the Senate? It would be a body of people appointed by the States for life, instead of being popularly elected. I believe this would serve a useful purpose, especially as a standard-bearer for freedom and tradition within a government prone to dismantling liberty and becoming a police state, such as the one we have now. Freed from the need to pander to the lowest common denominator, Senators would be more likely to seriously consider issues and vote based more on reason, common sense, and a sense of history rather than fret about how their vote might impact their re-election.

I would also eliminate the Supreme Court and roll its functions over to the new Senate. The pros and cons of any case would be openly debated for all to see and a simple majority of Senators would be required to decide a petition. You don't need a group of seven presidential appointees to do that. As for the argument that Supreme Court justices are more able to offer a more sober and serious assessment of a case based on a keen knowledge of case law and precedent? I need only offer Antonin Scalia to refute that assertion. If that ignorant simpleton can sit on the Supreme Court, then you don't need a Supreme Court.

The Senate would also have to approve every presidential cabinet member, as well as the heads of all executive agencies by a super-majority vote. They would also have the power to summarily remove any presidential cabinet member or head of any executive agency by a super-majority vote. Additionally, a super-majority of the Senate would be required to declare war and any hostile military operation short of war.

Finally, the new Senate would not be able to introduce nor modify laws. All lawmaking functions would be the privilege of the House of Representatives, but the Senate would have the power to veto any bill. The group winning the veto vote would be compelled to craft an explanation as to why the bill was vetoed, allowing the House to revise and vote upon a bill that might pass the Senate's muster. However, if the Senate proves too obstinate by repeatedly striking down a bill that has been continually revised, then a super-majority of the House, along with the approval of the President, could overturn the veto and have the bill passed into law.

The reason for this remodeling of government is that our old system of checks and balances no longer functions. The Party system, coupled with direct elections of both Houses of Congress, has resulted in a race to the bottom for votes and an unimpeded, exuberant dismantling of freedoms in the name of security. No longer do the Legislative and Executive branches feel themselves to be adversarial branches of government; rather, members of both feel loyalty to Party trumps all Constitutional trivialities. Therefore, either a new branch of government is needed to serve as a check on this behavior, or an existing branch needs to be modified. My idea is only one possible scenario, but it would be the one I would pursue -- if I were dictator.

I Called It

2008-06-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

Don't ever doubt me when it comes to predicting Battlestar Galactica. The ending was the only possible way it could've gone. The only thing that I didn't expect was that the cylons were just as surprised as the humans. I figured they may have had a clue or something. After all, all this has happened before (in the opening credits every week)...

This is the Beachhead

2008-06-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

Net neutrality has been an on-again, off-again topic over the past couple of years, as broadband adoption accelerates across the country. The broadband providers would like to prioritize traffic because of the increasing amount of data being passed over their "tubes." It's a sad situation, because they will get what they want. Indeed, by going from telephone modems to broadband, we've effectively surrendered the internet to a handful of companies who are taking steps to clamp down on it and charge more money for poorer service.

The recent clampdown on Usenet under the guise of "child pornography" is the first step, as it often is nowadays in this fearful land. If you want to censor something or get it banned these days, you do it "for the children." If you want to eliminate something entirely, say you're doing it to prevent child pornography. Few will ever question the motives, because why would you want to defend the slime of humanity? It doesn't even matter if child pornography has anything at all to do with it, the rationale simply eliminates anyone from seriously questioning their actions. I give them credit -- it's an effective tactic for establishing a beachhead in the war against their consumers.

But it's merely the precedent for what's to come. By using the same methods and technologies the Chinese use to control information, the broadband oligopoly will begin to block sites they don't like. First, it'll be porn, because who will defend that? But then, it'll be other things. Maybe anything having to do with drugs or anything else that can be implicated as illegal or immoral -- certainly anything having to do with file-sharing. Slowly, step-by-step, they will eliminate the underbelly of the internet. After that, they'll slow down sites that don't pay special fees to ensure quick and speedy reception by broadband customers. Special agreements and marketing arrangements will be made to offer different tiers of service: pay more to get more and to get it a little bit faster than the next guy.

Soon, the internet will begin to resemble the piss-poor cable service on your little-watched TV. You'll pay bloated fees to enjoy packages featuring a pre-approved line-up of websites offered by the broadband company. The internet as we know it will be dead. Broadband has opened up a whole world of possibilities for the free-flow of communication and ideas, but by adopting it, we've handed away the keys to the kingdom to a relative few who will increasingly control the packets flowing through their lines.

And do you know what the bitch of it is? These companies claim they need to take these actions because there's just too much demand being placed on their systems, yet they were given $200 billion dollars by Congress in the 1990's for the express purpose of upgrading and providing up to 45mbps service to broadband customers. However, this money was squandered away through fraud, corruption, and the notorious incompetence of the government. So, instead of having the same world-class service enjoyed by the rest of the industrialized world, we have a slow, crappy system and the threat of slowing down or eliminating the traffic AT&T and Comcast don't like.