Into the Wild

I just finished reading Into the Wild by John Krakauer. It's a good, short read about a young man who went off to find freedom and learn about himself, but died in the end.

The book is really unsettling because I can easily identify with Chris McCandless. At first glance, my inclination was to judge him harshly for his stupidity, but as I continued reading the book and the descriptions of him, I started to see a lot of myself. I even understand his thinking and why he did what he did. I admire him for it. I think what's most unsettling is that he seems to be me if I had zigged instead of zagged.

When I was young, I always yearned to just disappear into the wilderness, for reasons I still can't explain. I guess there's a feeling that there are answers out there to questions you can't even articulate. There's a sense that everything will reveal itself and you'll figure everything out. To this day, I look at the mountains behind my house and allow myself to play out the fantasy of just walking over and beyond them. I still have my wanderlust, evidenced by the fact that I can't stay in any one place for too long before getting the itch to move on. In the end, though, I think I found the perspective and truth Chris was seeking on my own path, and I'm still alive, so I've got that going for me.

Like Chris, I often prefer to be alone to think and brood about things, and like Chris, I fooled myself into thinking that the only true Freedom to be had was in being alone. Chris went to extremes, but I intentionally put myself in a situation that precluded that. I think if he had lived long enough he may have realized the Great Paradox of existence: True Freedom and Happiness can be found in solitude, but all of it is empty and meaningless unless you can share it with someone. Luckily, I figured that out before it was too late. I know a lot of people figure it out quick, but some of us have to take the long way around to get there.

What's never mentioned in the book, nor is ever intimated by Chris himself, is the striking parallels between the life Chris led and the one Jesus told his followers to lead. He sold or gave away all his belongings, lived amongst the fringe and outcast, and wandered about the country, eventually dying in the wilderness whilst on the same type of spiritual pilgrimage that Jesus himself went on. Whether he meant to or not, he lived the authentic Christian life. I wonder how things would've turned out for him had he lived.

I admire the guy. You get a lot of these "counter-cultural" types who think that ditching their lives on the weekends to go carousing with other like-minded individuals is somehow liberating and different. Chris McCandless doesn't strike me as one of those types at all. He didn't do anything half-assed, and what he did makes mockery of urban sophisticates who like to play-act at the life McCandless lived. He didn't have to dress-up, get a shitload of tattoos and body-piercings, wear ironic T-shirts, or chase the next novelty to be different and rebel against society or to feel liberated. He lived differently and lived a liberated life. He was a kindred spirit. I think it's too bad he died before he could come back and make sense of everything he experienced. Or perhaps he was on a track that could only end in a certain, early death. Some wander and are never satisfied, while some wander for awhile and eventually negotiate an uneasy peace with the world.